retreat

Is there a difference between mental illness and a "disorder?" Just curious.

I am so eager for this week to be over. My car has been acting up, and I've been without for most of the week. And while it's very nice to carpool to work with DH, I did miss having my little green Mitsubishi, my kickin' new stereo system, and my freedom to roam at lunch. But it's back now, and it's all good, and it didn't cost me an arm and a leg to get it fixed. Thank God for honest mechanics.

I leave Sunday for a training seminar. I am taking an exam in September for my certification, and this week long class is a prep course. The exam consists of a four-hour written exam on the nine textbooks and 31 codes, guidelines, and practices, and a four-hour hand-drafting exam demonstrating the drawing and presentation standards. Heavy stuff, and I haven't even started studying or preparing, so this will be a week of intensive immersion. Five days of class from 8am to 5pm.

And even though it's out of town, and DH isn't coming with me, and I won't know anyone there, I am very much looking forward to it. I'm going to work my ass off preparing for a test like I haven't prepared since I took my SATs, but I will be in a different city and away from my every day life.

I plan to treat it like a personal retreat. I have a hotel room all to myself, and have already confirmed that it has a bath tub and a coffee maker. I will bring my own coffee and fixin's, so I don't spend a fortune on hotel coffee. I'm bringing my bubble bath and candles. I'm bringing a bottle of red wine and several cans of Guinness, some fine cheese and crackers, and perhaps some fruit. I have the new Harry Potter Book, a stack of Doctor Who DVDs, and my iPod. I'll bring my swimsuit so I can enjoy the pool and hot tub. I'm thinking of booking a massage in the hotel spa.

Truth is, I have as much of a need for next week on a personal level as I do a professional one. My well has run dry, I'm running on empty, there's nothing left in the bank. However you want to put it, I'm tired and exhausted, I'm burned out and have nothing left to give. Not that I've had a whole lot to give lately anyway, but what there has been is now gone. And a week of doing nothing but what I want, for Me, without distractions and obligations and doctor's appointments and deadlines sounds really really good.

And so I make this pledge to myself:

• I will not think about my fertility signs or charting at all.
• I will work hard to learn all I can in preparation for my exam.
• I will take time for myself, to relax and remember what it's like to just be.
• I will not call in to work every day just to see how it's going while I'm gone.
• I will not feel obligated to mingle and hang out with others who are there for the conference,
• but I will be open to meeting new people and perhaps forging new friendships.
• I will go to bed early.
• I will take at least an hour every night to just do something I enjoy, such as reading or watching TV or getting a massage or sitting outside with a good cup of coffee.
• I might even smoke a few cloves, and I won't feel guilty about it.

I'm sure more will come to me. The point is, I'm looking forward to a week away, and I hope to come back a more relaxed, less stressed, happier and nicer version of Me.