why do I do this to myself?

I don't want to get too excited. I really don't - I know better, and how many sagas have I read about this exact same thing on the message boards? I'm not even telling DH yet.

But.

I POAS yesterday. Yes, it was only CD8, very early, but as I've mentioned before, I'm addicted to POAS. I have to pee on something at least once a day, what with all the fertility monitor sticks and the OPKs and all. I'm done with the OPKs this cycle, so it was on to HPTS, which is way early, but still. I get them 10 for $9.50 online, so I can afford to pee on them all the time if I want to.

Anyway, I used a cheapy internet HPT yesterday. It's one of those ones that you dip in a cup you've peed in. I left it on the window sill, and went to do something else.

When I got back a few hours later, there was a very faint second line. Faint, but definitely there.

I immediately did another one, and it did the same thing. I timed it this time, and it took 13 minutes. The instructions say not to read a negative after 10 minutes, so I'm not sure what that means.

I know better. I'm only 9DPO. But all the other sticks this cycle, from the same website, have NEVER shown a second line, no matter how long they sat.

I tried a First Response with this morning's first urine. Nothing. But another internet HPT in the same cup did the same thing as last night's, only a little darker. Still at about 13 minutes.

I haven't told DH. I hate keeping it a secret, but I don't want to take him on this roller coaster ride I've created for myself. And there are TONS of stories on the message boards about women getting a faint line after the time limit, and it turning out to be nothing. So why am I doing this to myself?

I already know I'll do another one tomorrow morning. And Friday. I'm hoping for a line within the time limit - that would be nice. AF should arrive on New Year's Eve, if she's coming, and if not then that would be a good time to tell DH. He proposed to me four minutes after midnight, New Years Eve, four years ago. It would be cool to tell him that he's going to be a daddy at the same moment.