belly o' love

When I was in college, I had a friend who was large. Everything about him was big - he was tall and wide, he had a big booming voice, his personality was huge, and he had a heart of gold. He also had a big belly, and referred to it as The Belly O' Love. He'd stick it out, rub it, and grin. He not only seemed secure in who he was, what he was doing, and what he looked like, he seemed proud of who he was becoming. He got along with everyone, probably because he got along with himself so well.

Me, well, I've never been one to be proud of my belly. Most of my shopping time has been spent looking for clothes that "hide, disguise, and slenderize." Dark colors. Vertical lines. Certain cuts. Anything to flatter a figure I have never been proud of. (Okay, once, in high school when I was dating a skinny guy and starved myself so I would look good in my prom dress. I liked the way I looked then. But it didn't last - as soon as I let myself eat again, I plumped right back up.)

Today is a different story. I am not only okay with the fact that my tummy is getting larger, I am proud of the fact. I'm still the plus-size woman I have always been. But I can't suck it in anymore, and there's more of it out there now, and I find nothing but joy in that. I wear clothes that accentuate my blossoming form. I walk around with my shoulders back, standing straight - not just because my back hurts and it helps to stand up straight, but because I enjoy the fact that it makes my belly stand out more (and it does help my back, and helps me keep my balance, which is growing more and more precarious). I catch sight of myself in profile in a store window, and instead of cringing with the familiar thought, "Oh geeze, is that *me*?!" I look at it and think, "Oh geeze! That's ME!"

Everything about me is getting bigger, and in a world where small is in, that would ordinarily cause me to stock up on baggy clothes and hide from the general public. But I worked hard for this belly. It truly was a labor o' love. And by gum, I'm going to be proud of it!