faking it

Sometimes "faking it" really is the only helpful solution. I'm not a big fan of the phony, but when life gets this hard and any more pressure is literally going to make you crack, sometimes it's the only option. I'm glad that the girl I work with seems to be of the same mind. After our fight on Tuesday, yesterday was actually very pleasant. We were more than just polite with each other. We talked throughout the day, laughed at jokes, got our work done. It wasn't strained. I know I couldn't take another confrontation, and I'm pretty sure she's pretty much feeling the same. Today she's back to asking me what I'm working on, but it's still better than it was two days ago. Tuesday was bad. We each have enough to deal with in our respective lives. I know I can't handle work being one more thing that's out of control.

What is out of control is this cycle of mine. Not sure at all what's going on. AF was due yesterday, and there's no sign of her. Usually I have signs, which are also missing. I tested this morning, but even though AF is late it's still only 11DPIUI, so the test was inconclusive. I'm hoping that, if she's on her way, she'll at least hold off 'til tomorrow. If she comes today, then CD3 is Saturday, and because of my test I won't be able to get to the doc for b/w and the injections. I'm very curious to see what happens next.