Blogging from Word 2007

I've heard that I can blog from MS Word 2007. So I'm testing it out to see if it works.

Anywho – things aren't changing quite like I thought they were. I guess it's good that some things are staying the same. My job, for example. I've been much happier since a certain someone doesn't work there anymore, and it amazes me how quickly the days are flying by.

I thought I was doing pretty well. I was "on a break," just going about my business as if TTC hadn't already marred my life. But with the arrival of yet another cycle a few days ago, and having had time to think about it and consider the implications, I have come to realize that I am not as okay as I'd like to be.

I am tired of waiting. I am sick to death of it. But I have no choice. I meet with a doctor on Friday to discuss when I will have surgery to remove polyps from my uterus – polyps that could be preventing me from becoming pregnant, polyps that could cause me to lose a baby if I were in fact able to conceive. I have no idea what else my doctor sees in my future, any other surgeries or procedures, but I'm going to ask him to do them all at once. This piecemeal stuff is bullshit. Put me under, cut me up, let me come home and heal so I can actually have a chance at this.

During the week it's not so bad. I keep busy, working and cooking and pretending to clean. This past weekend, however, I never even took my laptop out of my case, and I spent the majority of my time doing nothing. Which can be very nice from time to time, but it also gives me time to just sit and think, process, feel. And I don't like what I'm feeling right now. Pain, frustration, sorrow.

Mother's Day doesn't help any. Why oh why am I agreeing to go to Disneyland on Saturday? What possessed me to think that was a good idea?! Disneyland is literally crawling with families, and I'm going there with mine, on a weekend that celebrates motherhood. Seriously, what the hell am I thinking?

*sigh*

Next week is my wedding anniversary. Four years. We're getting a room at the California Grand Hotel at Disneyland, the big beautiful Arts and Crafts style hotel right there on what DH fondly refers to as Disneywalk. It will be nice to "get away," albeit not far nor for very long. I wish we could plan a more extravagant celebration, but with DH in school it just isn't feasible at this time. I'm just glad we can take a night to enjoy each other, celebrate our years together. And once he graduates, I'm planning a much longer vacation.

Okay, it's nearing bedtime and I can tell my thoughts are rambling at this point. Let's see if Word 2207 can actually, successfully post my blog entry.