just

I've been kicking this around for a while, trying to find the best way to articulate it. Nothing in particular sparked this post, and the examples used below are just examples. Probably true at one point or another, but nothing current.

The online dictionary that I use has 13 different definitions for the word "just." The first several, 1-8, refer to the word in adjective form, and basically mean the same thing. Fair, right, reasonable. Based on what is right and lawful. A just penalty, a just claim, just proportions, that sort of thing. In this form, I quite like the word.

The last five definitions given refer to it in adverb form. A brief preceding time ("I just got here"), exactly or precisely ("That's just what I wanted"), by a narrow margin ("That car just missed me!"), actually ("That is just wonderful!"), and only or merely. It's this last one that bugs me.

When used in this way, the word "just" is a cover-all cop-out that people seem to think excuses all sorts of behavior. "I'm just kidding," or "I'm just upset," or "He's just worried." And while being upset or worried can be justifiable reasons for acting unreasonably, they don't excuse anything and everything said and done.

The worst, though, is when it's used to justify acts or words that would otherwise be inexcusable, and the one saying it knows it.

"Wow, you're getting fat! Oh come on, I'm just kidding." This is just plain mean. No matter what is being said, if you have to follow it with "I'm just kidding," then you probably shouldn't have said it in the first place. It has nothing to do with the other person having a sense of humor, it has to do with using your filters to know what is off limits. I'd be tempted to give the response, "Wow, you're a real bitch! Oh come on, I'm just kidding." I believe it was a comedy special with Ellen where she said "If you're kidding, then we should both be laughing." And I agree.

Here's one that REALLY steams me. "I know you don't want me to bring this up, but I just had to ask you about..." "I know you don't like unannounced guests, but I was in the area and just wanted to say a quick Hello." "I won't bug you about your job, I'm just going to say that you should get a new one." Anything along those lines. Some seem more harmless than others. But it always involves the speaker (a) knowing where a boundary is, and (b) not giving a fuck.

Which is ironic, given the first set of definitions for the word.

I just had to get that off my chest.