focus on the good

As I enter my 20th cycle of IF and TTC, and prepare for my first IUI, I want to take time to think of all the good things in my life. My boss made a comment to me the other day, saying that I "have a pretty good life" in response to a comment I made about how hard life was right now. At first, it rubbed me the wrong way. Mentally, I responded, "Look buddy, life is tough right now, you have no idea what it's like to deal with IF, so back off!" I didn't say it out loud, of course, and upon reflection I've decided that I do, indeed, have a pretty good life.

I read some of the stories on my message boards, and my heart breaks for some of the other women.

I have a very supportive husband. He doesn't even think twice when he reassures me that we're taking this as far as we can, and we'll figure out how to pay for it when we have to. We're not stopping until we have kids, whether "naturally" or through adoption.

I am in fairly good health, as is DH. I have some issues, but nothing I can't deal with. Migraines, anxiety, high blood pressure - these things can be appeased by dietary and lifestyle changes. DH and I don't need major surgery, and we don't have any chronic illnesses. So far my cysts have been behaving, no fibroids or endo that I'm aware of, and my PCOS is manageable through diet, lifestyle, and medication.

We are both employed. I love my job, and it gives me the flexibility I need for doctor's appts and, eventually, maternity leave. They know what's going on with me, and are nothing but supportive. DH works for a company that offers health insurance that actually covers IF. We get up to 6 IUIs, paid. No co-pay, no meds or anything, totally and 100% covered. His job also covers his grad school, from which he graduates in August. He also has the flexibility to go to doctor's appts with me, and will be able to spend time with the baby at home once we have one. He doesn't travel for work that much, maybe two or three days every few months or so. He's safe, he's home, and his job isn't too stressful.

My family is supportive. They love me, they love DH. They can't wait for grandkids, and our children will want for nothing. There was a bit of pressure for a while, but since I told them that we're TTC and having trouble with it, they've been nothing but understanding and supportive. No insensitive comments, no pressure, and when I told my mom we were going to try IUI she was so excited, you'd think I'd told her we were already pg.

My friends understand and are supportive. Of all the people I hang out with IRL, all but one has dealt with years of IF. And that one? She had a baby way before she was expecting to, and had her own period of adjustment. They all understand that baby-making isn't all fun and rainbows. They understand the pain and heartache of IF. They are supportive of my decisions, even if they may be different from ones they may have made themselves. None of them tells me "It will happen when it's time," or "God has a plan for you," or "Just relax, it'll happen." They all know better.

I am married, I have a house, we have the means to provide for a child.

So, yes. IF sucks, and there are no two ways about it. But if I have to deal with IF, at least I have these other blessings in my life. I have never had a miscarriage (knock on wood), I don't have any skeletons in my closet (rocky past relationships, abortions, etc).

I really do have a good life, IF notwithstanding. I can choose to focus on the pain that IF causes, the changes it wreaks in the very fiber of my being. Or I can choose to remember that I'm fully equipped to deal with this, that I have support both online and IRL, that my husband is probably the most wonderful man in the world, and things could be a lot worse.