upswing

Today was my ultrasound to see how many and what size follicles I have. At first glance the doctor thought I had way too many – then he measured them and discovered that there are only three viable follicles. We'll probably have two or three when the time comes to trigger. I like those odds.

See, just because I may trigger with three follicles, and release three eggs, doesn't mean that all of them will fertilize. They could, there's a small chance, but I'm willing to take that chance with three. Because the bigger chance is that one of them will fertilize, and having three of them just gives the swimmers more targets to hit. Hopefully they'll find one of three, or even two of three.

I've always been disappointed when previous u/s have revealed only one follicle. I felt like it meant it wasn't going to work – and it never did. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Or maybe I just knew.

But hearing there were three… I suddenly have renewed hope for this cycle. I'm on a low dose of the drug, and three is a very respectable number for an IUI. As long as DH's count on the day of is good, we've got a really good chance this time.

Last cycle I tried not to get my hopes up. I really had no faith that Clomid and IUI would work for us. But I have faith in this cycle. And last cycle, despite trying not to get too excited and hopeful, I was still crushed when the cycle ended. Part of that was the way it ended – come on, four days late? So not fair! But part of it was that my heart kept hoping, even when my head told it not to.

So this time I'm settling in for the ride. I'm not going to fight it. I'm going to hope, and believe, and think that this could work for us. I'll be just as disappointed either way if the cycle does come to an end. I might as well enjoy this time while I can.

So the plan. Sunday morning we go back in to count the follicles and record the size. Trigger shot will probably be Tuesday, which will put IUI on Thursday. Then two weeks of waiting, and taking progesterone, and NOT testing because these drugs can give me a false positive. Then b/w, and a several hour, nerve wracking, nail biting wait to hear the results. Then I cry. Whether happy or sad, the tears are bound to come.

And the personal plan. Relax relax relax! Have some fun, enjoy some time with DH, stop stressing out about work and IF and all the little things I have no control over. Do the best I can at the things I DO have control over. Have some grace for myself, take care of myself, read a book, take a nap, get my nails done. Be kind to Me.

I'll gladly take any prayers, vibes, positive energy, happy thoughts, wishes, and baby dust that anyone wants to send my way or out into the universe on my behalf.

This may be just the right combination to get me pregnant.