swaddle practice

Last night my kitty was following me around, crying at me, begging for attention. She'd settle down, change her mind and get back up, paw at my leg, meow at me some more, settle back down. Disgruntled kitty.

So I swaddled her.

New Blog

I am starting a new blog. This one probably won't go away, but it seems to me that the business of making a baby is just about over, and I might want a spot to talk about other things.

Everyday Miracles

You'll see why I called it that when you get there.

nesting

Today the panic started to set in. I want to have everything ready by 37W, which is less than one month away. Yikes!

I started to line the drawers of our dresser for the nursery, so I could put away baby clothes and such. Then I got distracted because the bottom is falling out of one of the drawers, and I needed a staple gun, and by the time DH got it for me out of the garage less than two minutes later, I had already moved on to washing every single item of clothing, blankets, burp cloths, crib sheets, etc that we own for the baby. That, of course, had to be done right this very minute. I haven't yet finished the dresser.

I've packed and repacked the baby bag for the hospital twice now. I'm sure it will happen again and again. And again.

Is this what nesting feels like?

My sciatica has been acting up all freakin' weekend long. Sciatica sucks. But doesn't it sound like a cool name for a science fiction movie?

It's getting harder to breathe. It's getting harder to walk. It's getting harder to sleep at all, let alone comfortably. I'm loving this! No, really! It means I'm getting closer to seeing this little man in person. =)

firebelly

I set my stomach on fire last night. =( I was cooking fajitas for dinner when I was hit by a Braxton Hicks. I closed my eyes for a second to take a couple of deep breaths, and my belly felt a bit warm. Thinking I had just bumped up against the pot, I opened my eyes and backed up. But it only got hotter, and when I looked down I saw flames licking up my shirt.

I screamed like a little girl – understandably, I think – and was able to put them out with the spatula (think Mrs. Doubtfire), but not before giving myself second degree burns over my tummy. They’ve blistered, and look a little charred tonight. There's just one little blister, two little welts about an inch long, and one spot on the underside of my belly that is charred, but blends in with the rest of my lovely stretch marks.

I had to throw away the shirt, which was sad because I'm limited on the shirts that fit me right now, and that was one of two that matched my brown pants. Thankfully the damage wasn't worse. Still, it was scary, and I felt like an idiot.

jewelry backup

I "backed up" DH's ring last night. This is what it looks like:

As you can see, it's pretty unique. I'm thinking of trying to find another one, so that we have a "spare" just in case. There's no markings on the ring to indicate who the designer is, just the metal content (gold and paladium). There's a single diamond flush-set into one of the pieces. Those little straight pieces hold the top and bottom rings together, and the smaller trapezoid shapes shift and slide around.

But now we have pictures, more than just the single shot in our wedding album. Maybe, worst case scenario, we could go to a jeweler and have something like this made. Hopefully the situation will never come up again.

missing rings

I came home from work last night just exhausted and ready for bed. Every light in the house was on, and DH was nowhere to be found. I heard him poking around in the other room, so I said "Hello!" and went to check my email. After a few minutes I thought it was strange that he hadn't come to see me and kiss me hello yet, so I asked him what he was doing. No answer. I asked him again, still no answer. I poked my head out and said, "What's wrong?" He came slinking into the office, shoulders slumped, hands in his pockets, head down, looking about ready to cry. If he had a tail, it would have been tucked between his legs.

Crap, I thought, someone died. He didn't even make eye contact with me as he said, "I lost my wedding ring."

Backstory. He has a habit of taking his ring off and putting it in his pocket. When he uses the restroom, when he's on the computer, when he's home. He only wears a ring at all because it's a really cool interactive kinetic sort of ring, with floating pieces that move around. I got him a "toy" for a wedding ring on purpose, so he'd wear it at all. He's just not a jewelry person, but he loves this ring.

And I've told him for five years that if he lost it, I would not be a happy camper. It's pretty unique, and it was hard to find five years ago. I couldn't find one like it again, and the designer has stopped making them.

He, of course, was expecting nothing but rage at his announcement that it was gone. Screaming, ranting, possibly an attempt on his life. Especially in my very pregnant and hormonal state. But honestly, it just made me very very sad. I said, "Oh, that sucks," and that was about it. I mean, me yelling at him wouldn't make me feel any better, and it certainly wasn't possible to make him feel any worse. He'd already torn the house apart looking for it, and had dreaded seeing me all day long.

We retraced our steps, and realized it probably happened at our birthing class on Saturday. Our anniversary. I had asked him to take it off for a minute as we were doing an excercise with our hands and it was hurting me. The one time I actually asked him to take it off.

We both hit the internet hard, looking for the same ring. We found similar ones, but nothing that really came close. I ended up breaking down and crying, which broke his heart. I think he'd rather I just yelled at him, but it wasn't in me. I was sad, not angry, and I felt bad for him because he was so sad too.

So I made dinner and we curled up on the couch, me to watch tv and he to continue his search via laptop. He kept saying how much he sucked, and how we should just get him a cheap nothing ring since he couldn't be trusted with a good ring and would probably just lose it again. I finally got up to take a shower and go to bed.

As I was walking by the office, I happened to look down at an ottoman we had piled with junk as we were cleaning up the house. It was dark, and I saw a small circle sitting there. Thinking it was just a keyring or something like that, I picked it up anyway just in case. It was his ring.

I walked back into the family room - I must have had an odd look on my face, because he looked alarmed when he saw me. I just handed it to him.

He made me show him where I found it. And we figured out what happened.

He didn't lose it at the class (obviously), he just couldn't remember having it since then. He had apparently taken it off at home and put it on his nightstand - a dumb move, really, because we have four cats, two of whom think they're raccoons. I can not tell you how many shiny objects we've lost, only to find them later under an area rug. In fact, while tearing the house apart he managed to find a charm I lost a couple of years ago, because I'd left it on the bathroom counter and our raccoon-kitty batted it under the rug. Apparently, the same raccoon-kitty found his ring, thought "Ooh, Shiny!" and decided it must be taken.

We're lucky the cat gets distracted easily. He probably was startled by someone coming in the room, or a piece of dust floating by, and forgot all about the ring as he scuttled back under our bed. And then forgot all about it.

DH was SO relieved! He has never hugged me so tightly as he did when I handed him the ring. He kept thanking me for not killing him, for not screaming at him. Which, let's be honest, I really had every right to do. The screaming bit, anyway. But like I said, it wasn't going to make me feel better, and he could not possibly feel worse.

We're going to photograph the ring, and DH is talking about ways of "backing it up" (yes, he's a geek ;-). At least with photos we'll have something to take into jewelry stores and say "Find/Make us this."

All's well that ends well. And you can bet he didn't take that ring off for the rest of the night.

He did ask me if I was going to blog it. I told him no. He said I should, it was funny. I told him it wasn't funny yet. Today, it's a bit funnier. But he'd still better not take that ring off.

confessions of a labor chicken

I have a confession to make. I think in some ways, some secret place in my head was hoping that I'd end up with a c-section. The thought of labor and delivery terrifies me. I wouldn't even admit this to myself, but I think it's been there. I've been dreading today's class (Preparing For Childbirth/Lamaze) because I didn't want to hear it. I've been in the room when someone gave birth - twice. The first time it was good for about two years of birth control. The second, I stayed near her head and refused to actually watch. I whimper when I get a braxton hicks, I whine when I'm having a "pregnant day" and things hurt more than usual, I sigh deeply when I have to go up or down a flight of stairs. Despite my tattoo and my piercings, I am a big ol' wimp when it comes to physical pain. I don't like it, and I will do almost anything to make it stop.

Plus today I realized, as I was saying it to DH, I have been in some sort of female-related pain for three years. As soon as I stopped BCP in preparation for TTC, my cysts started acting up again. I went from that to fertility treatments that intensified AF pain to fertility treatments that had their own pain to pregnancy. I'm tired of hurting. I don't want to wrap it up with a bang.

But today we had our class, and it really wasn't bad. The video on c/s scared me more than the video on vaginal birth. The effects of the various medications scared me more than the implications of not taking them. There are more positions for labor and delivery than I ever imagined, and DH is damned good at the backrub thing (we'll work on the coaching of the breathing thing).

And I learned that I am probably not even a candidate for an epidural, because of my blood pressure. I can still consider narcotics, but the epi is pretty likely to be out.

The birth I have witnessed in person was horrible. I sensed it at the time, I know it for fact now. The mother was not allowed any freedom of movement. She was not allowed anything to eat or drink. They rushed her labor, rushed her pushing, the doctor yelled at her to push, and eventually decided he was tired of waiting and wanted to do a c/s. At which point a nurse said "Hell No," crawled on top of my friend, and pushed down on her belly 'til the baby came out. It was violent, and traumatic, and invasive. It was also my only point of reference.

Apparently this hospital does things differently. My L&D room will have a shower, which I am at liberty to use with or without DH. They encourage switching positions for contractions every couple of hours or so. I get to decide what position to push from, based on what feels most comfortable to me at the time. I can have food and drinks, and there is even a little mini kitchen available for DH to get me ice water or heat up a neck pack or get me some juice. The rooms have a rocking chair, they suggest laboring on the toilet, and overall it's just set up to make a laboring mom feel as comfortable as she possibly can under the circumstances.

I walked into class today thinking, "Okay, I changed my mind, I want off this ride now." I expected to walk out of class today more worried and afraid of labor than before. Instead, I find myself thinking, "I can do that." I'm still considering medicinal help, but I'm leaning more towards analgesics and maybe a shot of narcotics. I'm not that upset that I may not even be allowed to have an epidural. I don't really hope for a c/s, as it actually seems like the more difficult of the options, and I really am still looking for the easiest way out of this. Well, maybe not "easiest," but least traumatic.

And I want to hold and nurse my baby as soon as possible, which would be before the cord is even cut if I deliver vaginally. If all goes well, the baby comes out and is immediately placed on my chest, then the cord clamped and cut.

I also learned something else today. I have been worried about DH in the delivery room. He has a very hard time watching people he cares about go through pain. I've been thinking of who I would want to help him help me through labor. He was a champ today, though, and I have full confidence in his ability to help me through this. We are truly having a baby. And now I can hardly wait.

new law in town

I didn't even realize that the issue of gay marriage was up before the Supreme Court, but apparently it was, and it passed.

I really can't see what the fuss is about. If "they" really want to make a case against this, they really need to come up with some better arguments. The ones I've heard so far are pretty flimsy.

They say it will devalue the meaning of "real" marriage. How? My marriage is in no way affected by anyone else's. The people who have weddings for their dogs, they guy who wanted to marry his car, now THEY devalue the meaning of marriage. Even still, it has no impact on my relationship with DH whatsoever.

They say that it will hurt the children. They say that marriage is for procreation, but what about couples who can't have kids? What about gay couples that adopt? I'd rather see a child go to a loving home with same-sex parents than be shuffled around in foster care from family to family who see her as a paycheck.

Ultimately, though? I see love on one side and hate on the other. Regardless of your beliefs regarding the gay lifestyle, I think we can all agree that love=good and hate=bad. I just can't take sides with an argument that is based on intolerance and hatred and fear.

I'm sure I have more to say about this, but my lunch break is over and it's time to get back to work.

random thoughts

Maybe I should make Random Thoughts a feature of this blog. They happen often enough these days.

Anyway.

Random Thought 1: I burnt dinner again tonight. I'm too lazy to make something else, so I'm going to pass it off to the husband anyway. Fortunately, he ain't picky.

Random Thought 2: We don't rub our bellies to flaunt anything. We rub them because they are uncomfortable. This isn't a plea for sympathy, just saying.

Random Thought 3: The ceiling fan in our office is causing a strobe light effect with the can lights, and it's giving me a headache. I haven't had many headaches since becoming pregnant. I used to get migraines on a monthly basis. I'm not looking forward to their return.

Random Thought 4: I've been a part of Neilson TV Ratings for the past two years. Yesterday they wanted to start me on a new program that would include having my computer usage monitored. They weren't very up-front about what was being monitored, said it was just what sites we visit on the internet. But upon reading the Privacy Policy, I realized that they monitor EVERYTHING I do, EVERYTHING that is on my computer, every program, every document, every file, EVERYTHING. I called them tonight to say No Thank You, and my rep seemed offended. Sorry, toots, but it's way too 1984 for my taste. Don't need Big Brother watching over my shoulder.

Random Thought 5: The timer on the microwave just beeped. Dinner is done. Well done, in fact. Talk to you later!

baby care class

Okay, I'll admit it. I only took the Baby Care class because it was part of a package deal at our hospital. I know how to change a diaper, how hard can it be to give a baby a bath, and I don't need to worry about baby-proofing just yet, right? Right?

I learned a whole lot last night. Mostly that there's more to diapers than Huggies, there's an art to giving a baby a bath, and half the things I need to baby-proof didn't even occur to me.

I paid attention, took notes, and came home with a sense of "Oh golly, what have we gotten ourselves into?!" But it's all good. I love these classes. The instructor has been informative, giving us a ton of knowledge without being overwhelming or dry.

A couple of things that stood out in my mind. I'll start with the end. She was talking about bottles, nipples, and formula, whether sterilizing everything is necessary, how to preserve formula that's already been mixed. DH tuned her out completely. The man who wasn't sure he even had an opinion about breast feeding less than a month ago turned to me, rolled his eyes, and pulled out his pocket PC to play a video game. I found it endearing, and didn't have the heart to tell him to listen up, you never know what situations we might face as parents.

Earlier in the evening she talked about circumcision and how to care for it after. Now, please let me state very clearly here that I believe that it is possible to hold an opinion - a very strong opinion - and to in no way judge someone who holds the completely opposite opinion. I do not want to start up a debate on circumcision, should you shouldn't you, you must believe what I believe. It is a very personal choice, and I respect any choice you make so long as it is an educated choice.

Having said that, the decision to not have our son circumcised was one of the simplest that DH and I have made. Several months ago I asked him what he thought about it, he asked what the arguments for each side were. I told him, he said "I don't see the need to do it," I said "Me neither," and that was it. It took me longer to type this than it took for us to agree. We took longer to decide on a crib.

So we went into this class already in agreement that we would not be circumcising our son. And when she showed the pictures of the different ways it's done, and how to care for it in while it heals, it solidified my opinion even more. It took every ounce of strength in my body to not run from the room in tears after seeing a picture of a newborn strapped to the table, spread-eagled, beet red and screaming his head off.

I'm sure there was some propaganda going on there. I don't care. I believe that many of the images used in the Pro-Life campaign are chosen specifically for their emotional impact, but that doesn't stop me from disliking the thought of abortion.

My entire body clenched up. My nails dug into the palms of my hands. I had to compose myself before I could trust my voice enough to ask if they'd just do this automatically, or if I'd have to give my consent first. The baby must have sensed a disturbance in the force, because he was kicking like a pro soccer player in there. I'm sure the clenching didn't help.

She turned on the lights and dismissed us for break. I turned to DH and said an emphatic "Hell No!" I told him on the way home that if we hadn't been in agreement about this before, I'd have to pull momma perogative on him. They ask the mom to sign, the baby falls under the mom's insurance, and this mom is just not going for it.

So that was last night. We have two classes left. Saturday is an all-day class on Preparing for Childbirth. I'm scared of that one. The thought of labor and delivery terrifies me. It is Unknown to me, and it gives me fear. I almost - almost - hope that I have a cesarean instead, just to avoid having to go through contractions and pushing. I want drugs, lots of them, and already feel guilty about it. I'm hoping this class will help put me more at ease, but I'm afraid it will only serve as fuel to the fear.

Oh, and Saturday is our five-year anniversary. I guess it's appropos celebrating the biggest event in our lives so far by learning how to get through the biggest event in our lives coming up.

Then we have Becoming a Parent next Monday. I'm not sure what that one is about (besides the obvious), it was part of the package too. I think it's about how to survive the first month of having a newborn at home. I'm sure that, just like the classes we've had so far, it will be informative and full of things we never even thought of.

7/9 a mother

Some random snippets to give you an idea of how Mother's Day went.

****************
After my mom made some crack about some of our extended family members:

Me: "Could you maybe not rip on the family quite so much?"
Mom: " 'Could I maybe?!' "
Me: "Well, they're my family."
Mom: "They're my family too."
Me: "But I like them, and I don't like it when you put them down."
Mom (looking very unhappy): "Okay, I'll try. But can I still make comments about [name]?"
Me: "Oh, well sure, he's an ass."

****************

Dad: "You're making sure to listen to lots of rock-n-roll while you're pregnant with this kid, right?"
Me: "Oh, of course. He seems to really like The Offspring."
Dad (grinning): "Good! That's good! You gotta get 'em hooked while they're young."

****************

DH: "You want to come to a party for work, to celebrate the end of a project?"
Me: "Do you want me to go?"
Mom: "I'll go! I'll be your date!"
Me: "You are not allowed to date my husband!"
Mom: *pout*

****************

Dad: "Next year YOU get to be the Mom in Mother's Day!"
Mom: "She's technically a mom now."
Dad: "She's 7/9 mom. *Next* year, she'll be a *real* mom."
Sis: "What's seven ninths in fifths?"

****************

Overall it was a successful day. We gave my mom a scrapbook of all our ultrasound pictures, and some from the shower. We also gave her an I Love Grandma bib, and a DVD of our 4D ultrasound set to music. We re-edited it, because the music turned out funky on the one the ultrasound place gave us and I didn't like it much. But edited so that the parts where nothing is happening because I'm rolling over or something, and set to music that we selected at home, it turned out pretty nice and is good for a few tears.

As I told Dad on Friday - it's not Mother's Day unless Mom cries.

warm front moving in

It's cold and gloomy outside, gray and overcast and in the 60s somewhere. It's been like this all week, we've been using the electric blanket most nights and finally broke down last night and busted out the quilt.

I know it isn't exactly the deep drifts of frozen snow that some states get all get all winter long, but to this SoCal gal, it's *cold*!!!

But you know what? Inside my house right now, there's a warm breeze blowing. It's about 73 degrees, and I'm all toasty warm. My kitties are curled up on the couch, snoozing and purring.

Because, after long last, we have heating and air!!! When we purchased the system, it was running about 100 degrees and I was most looking forward to the "air" part. But today, I'm very grateful for the "heat" part. And I'm looking forward to a comfortable summer being pregnant and then a new mom. I'm looking forward to putting away my space heaters for the winter, and just having a warm and cozy home. I'm really glad I don't have to raise a baby in a house without heat, and it will be nice not to have to escape to the mall or a movie every time the temperature gets unbearable this summer.

That's all. Just wanted to share. =)

GD update

Let me start by saying that I *heart* my nutritionist! She works directly with the doctor (I'm not sure exactly what kind of doc he is, a pharmaceutical insulin doctor or something like that?). So my appt today was with both of them at the same time. He looked at my numbers, added them all up and averaged them, went through my meter to make sure I had them all. She looked at my food log and asked me how the meal plan was going.

I told the nutritionist that the only problem with the meal plan that I had was actually eating all she told me to eat. Last night, for example, I had a half a chicken salad sandwich on wheat, then snacked on cherries and almonds for the rest of the evening (we had our BF'ing class). I find myself eating smaller meals and more frequent snacks, and she said that's just fine because it seems to be working. I gained a pound, so she knows I'm not starving myself, and as long as I eat AT LEAST six times a day, and drink plenty of water, I'm doing just fine. She's more concerned with me not eating enough than she is about me eating enough.

Bottom line, I'm doing just fine - not only do I NOT need to go back on insulin, but my numbers are so good that they only want me to test my blood sugar three times a day, three days a week. =) So yay! Fewer needles, fewer sticks, less keeping track of every single thing. It's exhausting to write down everything I eat, test before and after each meal, try to remember which finger I used last so I don't get too sore.

Of course I still have to be vigilant, but my numbers are well within normal range and I'm feeling pretty darn good about being able to manage this just with diet. I even get to have fruit and milk again! I snuck a teeny tiny piece of cake at my shower, and it didn't affect me at all. Not that I'm going to be eating cake every day, of course, but it's nice to know my body handled it the one time I let myself indulge.

I can certainly do this!

busy busy bee

I've got a busy busy week lined up.

MONDAY

• 7am - asbestos removal people come to remove a pipe in our attic and test our ceiling in our living room
• full day of work, 9-5:30
• 6:30pm - Breast Feeding Class, Part II

TUESDAY

• 10am - followup with nutritionist, back on insulin?
• half day of work, noonish-5:30
• 6-6:30 - pick up $10 Diaper Champ found on Craig's List

WEDNESDAY

• 8am - painter comes to start scraping and painting our bathroom
• 8am - contractors come to start installing air and heat
• 1:30pm - OB appt, disability starts? (Please oh please oh please...)
• 4pm - second shot at 4D u/s

THURSDAY

• breathe...
• Inform work if I'm on disability now, or stop by last night since the u/s is down the street. Today I can call the bosspeople to either tell them I'm out or confirm tomorrow's appt.

FRIDAY

• 9:15am - therapy
• 10:30am - meet with bosspeople? Not if on disability...
• 2:30pm - go to parents' house, set up for cousin's wedding shower
• 6pm - wedding shower

Sunday is Mother's Day. Monday is our Baby Care class. Next Wednesday we're having our tub reglazed, and can't use it for 72 hours. This is our only place to bathe in the house, so sponge baths it is. Saturday is our anniversary (5 Years!), and we're spending the day at the hospital in a Prep for Childbirth class, which includes pre-registration and a tour of the L&D ward.

After that, things slow down considerably. Another class the next Monday, Becoming A Parent. Hair appt on the following Saturday. I've got a wedding on June 7, Father's Day on the 15th, my birthday on the 19th, and sometime after that (hopefully!) I'll be giving birth to a wonderful, beautiful, perfect baby boy.

So the next couple of weeks are a bit hectic, but hopefully non-stressful. I work with contractors all day long at work, so that's not a problem for me. Just scheduling, which can be tricky when one tast relies on another. At some point we also have to have our floors refinished, the nursery painted, and the furniture assembled. But I'm not concerned about it. Once I'm on disability, I can let my mom come over during the week to help out with that sort of stuff.

And after next week, things slow down quite a bit. Most of our major projects will be done, I'll be off work, and I'm not making plans until about September.

As for now? Dinner, TV, and bed. In that order.

may showers

We had our shower today - I can not even imagine a single thing that could have been better about it. It was *exactly* what I wanted, and absolutely lovely! BFF threw it for us, and she knows us so well that it was everything we could have hoped for. DH and I talked about it when we got home, and there was not a single thing that we could have changed to make it any better than it already was. The weather was beautiful, the site was gorgeous, everyone felt comfortable and a good time was had by all.

We had a Ducky theme, as when we first started planning we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl, and since I've been waddling for a while now it seemed appropos. OMG, the ducks at this shindig! I had no idea how many ducky items were out there! She didn't do ducky plates and stuff, she went classier and did bright blue table cloths with yellow plates and adorable centerpieces, carrying through the duck motif through color. The cake was PERFECT, and I was even able to sneak a small piece of it despite the GD, because she ordered me my very own Taco Salad while everyone else had a Party Burrito. Check this out:

I had a great group of people from every aspect of my life there - family, online friends, work friends, IRL friends. It was a great bunch. My mom asked people to decorate squares of fabric to make a quilt out of, and everyone participated. Many of my friends are artists, so we got some really great squares out of it! Even the kids participated, and I think those were some of my favorites.

There were no frilly games or typical shower activities - which was per my request. Just good family fun. There was a bouncey house, and paddle boats, and a train for the kids to ride.

BFF also had people bring a copy of their favorite children's book growing up, so we got a GREAT start to a baby library. This was a perfect idea for us, as I love to read and I can see myself reading to our son all the time. Heck, I might start tonight!

Overall a great success. Everyone was nice, no one was snarky, everyone mingled well, we got a pile of loot, and I felt completely loved, pampered, and spoiled. She even had corsages for me, "Grandma" and "Auntie," and boutiniers for DH and "Grandpa."

Here's a shot of me and DH with the cake. I cropped my family out of it, as I didn't ask their permission to post their pic online. You can see just how happy I am to be pregnant and at my shower after so much waiting. DH looks pretty proud of himself, too. ;-)

pregnancy changes everything

I am getting sick of women complaining that pregnancy is making them fat, that they're getting bigger, that they miss their old figures.

Maybe it's because I'm a plus-sized woman to begin with. Maybe it's because I've had to actually LOSE weight this pregnancy, due to GD and m/s. Maybe I just don't mind that my body is unrecognizable as mine, because I see it as proof that this baby that was so hard to come by is growing and thriving and my body is FINALLY doing what it was meant to do.

I don't know. But who expects to get pregnant, grow an entire other person inside, and be physically unaffected? It changes EVERYTHING - from my hair and nails, to my shoe size and bra size, to how I walk and whether or not I can get up out of a chair. My entire diet has changed. I have to switch my lower sportier car for my husband's higher SUV this weekend, after barely making it out of my car after going out for a pedicure. I can't pick up things I drop on the floor. I waddle - slowly. I can't remember to watch the clock so I don't burn breakfast. I'm exhausted, and sometimes I'm cranky, and I'm weepy, and I can't even make it through the Ikea circuit anymore.

And you know what? I'm fine with it. This is what's supposed to happen. If I didn't expect everything to change, I wouldn't have tried to get pregnant in the first place.

This is not to say I don't have my days where I'm just completely overwhelmed by all the changes being thrown at me, seemingly at once. And maybe that's where some of these other women are coming from.

I guess I should just be glad that this isn't bothering me, and realize that we all have our trigger points, and have some grace for all of us.

sales pressure

In my quest to find ways to cut corners and maybe make a little extra cash, I have stumbled upon a little site called inboxdollars.com. It pays me 15 cents just to read emails. I don't have to send them out, I don't have to complete any offers, I don't have to propagate spam. I just have to click on the emails as they come in my inbox, and that's it. Occasionally there will be paid surveys, or shopping offers. For example, I purchased The Entertainment Book through the site, something I wanted anyway, and I got $8 credit for it.

Here's the nice thing - once I reach $30 credit, they send me a check. Cash. Not redeemable for their special catalog of items, but cold hard cash.

Okay, it's not much, and it takes a while to get to $30 when emails are just 15 cents each. But it's more than nothing, so I figure why the hell not? It takes up all of 20 seconds each day, when I'm in my email anyway. I can do as much or as little as I want.

You may notice a new little ad banner on the left of this blog. I happen to get credit for people who join, and a percentage of whatever they make. It doesn't come out of what they make, they'll make all 100%. But if you earn, say, $1 for a survey, I'll get a 10 cent credit for it, because I referred you or you joined through the banner on my site.

Join if you want. Don't if you don't want to. I'm just putting the opportunity out there, you can do with it what you will. =)

pregnancy brain

I am a good cook. I'm saying this to remind myself as much as to inform you. I can cook, I enjoy cooking, I'm good at it.

But for some reason, dinner last night posed a challenge. I started the sauce for the steak too soon. The steaks cooked faster than I thought they would. I forgot the rice I wanted to use was 30-minute rice, not 12-minute rice, so everything else went on hold while I got that going. I forgot the asparagus, and then burnt it. I ruined the baslamic reduction for the butter sauce, and couldn't even serve the finished product.

My NY Strip Steaks in Herbed Napa Butter Sauce, Brown Rice Medley, and Roasted Asparagus, turned out to be dried out steaks, no sauce, burnt rice, and no asparagus. I tore up some lettuce and spinach so I'd at least get some veggies in there.

Dinner sucked. =( DH was gracious. "It was fine!" he said, but the pitch of his voice at the end of the sentence belied him.

This morning burnt my breakfast - a whole grain english muffin with ham and cheese. How hard is that?!

I blame pregnancy brain.

Doctor - you're FIRED!

I had my first meeting with a nutritionist today. I am so relieved and happy, I could cry.

My endocrinologist has been unhelpful. Useless. He's told me "Just experiment with different foods, see what they do to your blood sugar levels." When I told him I wasn't really comfortable with that, I'd rather see someone about a meal plan, he said that there really wasn't a way to do it other than experimenting. So I've been experimenting for a month, and my numbers aren't that much better.

My OB was ticked off the last time I saw him, and immediately got me a referral to a GD Nutritionist at the hospital. I saw her today. She told me that they just happened to have pharmaceutical doctors on site, and one of them could probably help me manage my insulin if I was interested. But she didn't want to push me, seeing as how I had an endocrinologist already...
I jumped at it. "I don't want to see my endocrinologist again. I don't even have a followup appointment with him. If you can hook me up, go for it!"

He fit me in immediately. Like, within five minutes. Averaged out my numbers, says I'm not doing as bad as I thought. Said I don't need the insulin right now, he thinks with a REAL diet I can manage this just fine on my own. Told me to stop testing so often, I only need my morning fasting numbers and one hour after FINISHING meals. As opposed to the six times a day the other doctor wanted me to do, and the one hour after starting meals. I'm pregnant, it can take me a while to finish up a meal, so he says that one hour after finishing the meal will give me more consistent and reliable results.

Then I met with the nutritionist again. She gave me a chart, and a schedule, and a list of what I can and can't eat. There is still a LOT of flexibility. I told her that I'd been avoiding milk and fruit, because they tend to raise my numbers too high. I told her it was more difficult for me to give those up than sweets and carbs, that I really missed them. So she scheduled in fruit and milk for me! Every snack has fruit, I get milk twice a day!

My endocrinologist said my morning fasting numbers were too high, so I didn't need an evening snack. She told me that I do, because the protein will help regulate my numbers overnight. She told me about proteins, portion sizes, and how to mix foods to keep my levels even throughout the day.

I have a plan. I have a team of people on my side, actually helping me. I have hope again, and I'm so relieved I could have kissed the doctors today. At one point she mentioned "I know this is hard, and you're probably not used to watching what you eat so strictly..." I cut her off. "Are you serious? I've been BEGGING for this for a month! I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am to have a meal plan, FINALLY!"

They want me to try this diet for a few days, check back in with them on Tuesday to see how it's going. If I can stick to this, and I'm very confident that I can, then no insulin for me! YAY!